《霾》

By Ouyang Yu


此诗今日放砸诗群后，有一个叫莫诺格的群友上来恶评了一个，如下：

“语言太冗长，内容也没啥意思”

不久，另一个叫Chaos的群友，对该诗评了4点，如下：

1，关注焦点: 那里，存在着一群无意识的人...
他们从一个地方"抛到"另一个地方把一连串的"经历"在"及时"的推进中绽出整体的时间与故事线性...。

2，弱意义，"我也在"-那里待着。
此时此刻，"我"的整个生命力进行着纵横往返的跳跃- 奔向死亡- 返回现实-回归往昔，诉说着目前的整个"生存状态"和一个表现形式: "一个实际的腐烂的生存状态"和"一群直奔向死亡的"处在忘记了"自身"的人群之中的诗人在这里与他者"成为"了一个统一的"自我"。

3，与周遭现实"事物"离得"太近"时遭遇到的压迫感。
周围的"实体"挤满在诗人的"周围"也让"我们"无法"独立"其中去保持临界的距离。对这个的"世界"，我们都受到了它的直接的影响。我们被"实控"去遭遇"我"不是"其他人"，我就是诗中的那群"人"之一。"此在"并立"曾在"，我与他们分别列入这里的过去，现在，将来，然后被组合成一个整体，重复着重写着人与时间在当前的"活死人"的状态...。

4，"共在"，是与谁关联? 如何关联 ? "自身"在哪? 如何保持在"清醒"后接着对应迎面抛来的"继续与重复?
开车的"司机"，隶属于永动的生存机制，"他"不停地开着劲头十足的车在"向前奔跑"着...，诗人把一切被"抛"在这个实际生存状态的"车上"，使我们自己遇见自己的"诞生环境"。"此在以出生地方式存在着， 它也已经在向死存在这个意义上以出生地的方式存在着"...。
人活着，它的"终点"和"中间过程"是否就是诗中所呈现的失序的状态? 人只能与"当前"的一切一块地沉沦着...

还有一个叫朝朝的群友说：

“看得挺过瘾，全场唯一的那个句号也可以去”

先就暂时这样吧。

后来Chaos还补评了一个说：“真的是超级棒的形式性与虚空性的作品，它给出了垂死赋予一切形式"活"的过程与完整性" !!”

我的自评则是这样的：“自评：支持一首。写诗，应该是最好玩的一件事，那年在武汉，去蕲春后一路的感觉，都在里面了，谢谢！”


 

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