《恨》，smashed today, with comments galore

By Ouyang Yu

 


欧阳自评1：1982年11月13号，写这个的人把教室发生的这一幕用笔记方式记了下来。2017年，也就是35年后，当年写这个的人看到这一段，觉得有意思，决定以诗歌方式拾得了，也就是现大家在38年后看到的。基本情况就是如此，特此报告，谢谢值诗砸诗。

欧阳自评2：看到大家的评论和特评，很喜欢，同时也有一个疑问，即一个活着的人如果出版他三四十年前的作品，是不是还需要改？也就是说，一个老人，能否修改青春？这是否有任何意义？请大家谈，谢谢！

潭啸特评：不同语言在碰撞过程中，那些产生纠结和分歧的点，如果能被顺利化解，再以诗行形式表达，会呈现一个小载体多容量的模样，兼备文学和语言学特质，又趣意显然，令人会心愉悦。

语言现象入诗可算原乡一景，如果能集纳足够丰富的语言词条，就可以汇编成词典形式的诗集。

这首作品里关于”hate“的理解，与人们日常情感表达关联密切，所以还算容易捕捉。我个人更喜欢它人物表达的两个趣点：

人物细节干脆精准。文学作品怎么抓取人物细节，通过最少量的细节来最大化人物个性，这算是一门基本功。拖拖拉拉琐琐碎碎的写作往往是驾驭能力不足的结果。本诗的人物语言和动作有引线功能。

人物个性鲜明真诚。老师和T的形象既立于烟火，又有挣脱之力，所以会给人真实又理想的观感。包括当诗走向节奏高点时，教室里的笑也折射出丰富真诚的生活情趣，此处算是对集体人物面的表达。

个人认为此诗还可以适当调整，加法和减法都做一些。也有可能是自己还读得不够透彻，”我“有明显的介入感，而”Z“的部分略琐细。


Other comments below:


XBB: 我不知道该不该像学生们一样哈哈哈大笑


RY: 恨有味道


XM: 《恨》，记实与文学/细节与生动


ZM: 恨有味道，课堂实录生动


TGF: 很好的《恨》。不止画面感 强，真可见60年来历史世相


LHT: 这首有很好的情节：埋头于书，爆发


XX: 恨，这样的课堂有滋味


HJH: 恨到极至就是爱，高秀兰爱🐷 八戒


RY: 恨，38前可能会问，这是诗吗？38年后人们都说：这是好诗！


SB: interesting  bilingual poem that works on a number of levels. Language and translation is more than just words. The poem highlights the extent to which tone, context, power relations and irony inflect language and communication. Also seems to allude to a deeper political context.


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